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Monday, May 16, 2011

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

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I'm overwhelmed, and when I get this way, I tend to spin my wheels, not getting much of anything accomplished. I have a test to take at work on Wednesday, and I've been trying to study for it, but it seems like my brain is made of mush. I can't seem to retain or memorize any of the terms that I need to know, and it has me near tears and feeling very inadequate. I'm getting all worked up and sick over it, which is ridiculous. I never was a very good student, and I've also never considered myself to be all that smart. I get by, and that is about it. It is frustrating because I know the material and how to implement it with a student, but when it comes to putting it on paper, I'm afraid all of the information is going to get mixed up in my brain. It seems there is always something to put me in a tail spin. Sometimes as grateful as I am for everything that I have, I'm really tired of being me.

9 Comments:

Eve said...

I hear you about knowing how to do it, but when it comes to writing it down, feeling like its fuzzy. I think sometimes, I am afraid of how much I really do know. And like Jenny has been saying, it is like being afraid of how powerful we really are. I hope you get over the feeling of being tired of being you, because you don't have anyone else to be Angela. And you are very a very special woman who is helping the world in so many ways. Sending you super positive thoughts!

Sairs said...

I know that at times when things feel all fuzzy and hard, you get lost in the thought of that. I'm not sure if you know what I mean but the 'I can't' is so loud that you can't hear anything else. I had that happen to me last week when I was supposed to do a one week temp job. I hit a wall on the way there and I had the "I can't' thing happen and I fell apart in the middle of a busy peak hour street, very embarrassing. I hope that you can get through this. Just know that I will be thinking of you!
*hugs*
Sarah

Ann said...

I know the feeling. Not only about getting all worked up and stressed out but about being tired of being me.
silly, I know but sometimes I just sit and think about moving somewhere where no one knows me and just recreating who I am.

Just me said...

Ohh Angela, it sounds horrible right now! Praying for you as you go through this week & your test tomorrow. If you've got the time, take a break and do something for yourself to relax. You deserve it! x x

Sia Jane said...

It is really hard when we feel so pressurised by ourselves to function in a way that isn't achievable.
And it is like, the harder we try, the less likely we achieve.
What I mean is, when I have put the most pressure on myself at school, is when I have not always achieved. The pressure can have a the reverse effect.
I think my point, if I get there, is to try to accept good enough, and what you do as good enough.
It makes life far more fun :)

Thinking of you xxxxx

artconstellation said...

Hi Angela. I find that when I am getting really overwhelmed and then immobilized by fears and anxiety... I have to stop and ask myself: What am I really scared of? It is difficult to ask myself because the answer for me is usually about the past and often about something painful that happened to me. But it is also always a relief to know that what happened in the past is over and we can make choices now and be free in the present.
You are brave and strong and courageous. You are also healing and that is because you have done a lot of work to get to this place.
Maybe you could take a moment, stop and let yourself be proud of how very far you have come. I am proud of you. I read your blog and see all of the progress you have made and it is inspiring. Keep going. You're doing a great job.
Warmly,
Jenny

I Hate to Weight said...

good luck with test -- i hate tests.

it's very frustrating to know you know what you're doing, but it's hard to pull it together to be tested on what you know. i don't always test particularly well and then i decide i'm simply dumb.

you're a very smart, very intuitive and very creative woman. it doesn't matter what happens on any given test.

you write extraordinary poetry, p.s.!

Anonymous said...

"...what happened in the past is over and we can make choices now and be free in the present."

Those are healing words, the answer is in those words, those words are clear and indisputable.

azhe'n said...

so often for me the fears are so much bigger than the reality. the fear can throw me off so badly. finding a quiet place, the still point, breathing, is so essential.
best to you. :)