Uncomfortable Feelings

I wonder why it is so easy for me to feel abandoned. It's only a leftover feeling, and yet sometimes it bears down on me, and strange things trigger it. Today it is my husband. He has done absolutely nothing wrong, but he is sick, out of commission, and grumpy, so I feel neglected. These selfish and needy feelings have cropped up a couple of times this week, and I'm acknowledging them although it is uncomfortable to do so. Last week I had a therapy appointment, and midway through my session, my therapist received a phone call, which she took. She told me to go out into the waiting area, where I sat for about twenty minutes. When I went back in, I couldn't even concentrate on what was being said. I walked out of there feeling unimportant and uncared for, although I know that I'm not her only patient, and that sometimes someone else's needs are going to come before mine. I can't always come first, and I know that, but still, I want to feel that I do. That is embarrassing to admit, but there it is. I e-mailed my therapist the next day, and told her how I felt, which is uncharcteristic of me. Usually, I would keep it inside, festering away. She was excited that I could do that, apologized, and we talked about it at my next session. She means a lot to me, so it hurt, and still does a bit. I don't like this side of me because I've always felt that I should put other's needs before my own. Sometimes being honest with myself sucks!