Friday, July 8, 2011

The Courage To Try

There are times when I'm sitting in a crowded room, surrounded by a room full of people who love me, and I feel so alone. The laughter and conversations buzz around in my head, and somehow I have disconnected myself from everything. I don't know why this happens. It is like all of a sudden I can't maintain who everyone thinks I am. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, and to allow room for my own imperfection. Yesterday I kept falling out of a yoga balancing pose, and I could feel my face begin to crumble. I can't cry in therapy, but I can cry during yoga? I get so easily frustrated with myself. My friend Eve suggested that I try drawing, which I cannot even imagine, but it would probably be a good idea. I might get up the courage to try. I want to have the courage to let go of the fear of failure.


Just me said...

I love the quote in the picture. Thanks for sharing that :)

Sia Jane said...

When I had my "episode" a couple of months back I realised I needed to engage in recovery distractions I hadn't used in years.
I started to art journal.
At first I was so critical and then it found me.
I think, if you try, and I know you have that courage, and I can see it making a difference {{{hugs}}}

Eve said...

The drawing is really helping me. Yesterday I tried 3 times and gave up very frustrated because I wasn't doing it perfect. Then, later in the day, I turned on some music, and tried again, this time with no other distractions. And, I realized that this is exactly what I need. I need to be able to center myself to focus on something, one thing, and to be able to just follow the line:) I think that for now, this is my yoga. I can sit in it, and not worry if it is perfect or not. The truth is, it never will be perfect. It is simply one interpretation. The next one may be even better, or not. It is like our healing process Angela, some days are better than others, but all of the days are important, and we need the lessons we learn from each of them.
Jenny said, "the great thing about drawing, is you don't need anything but a pencil and a scrap of paper."--I love that! I have been drawing what makes me happy. Mercy, Lambeau, Adam, Jenny, flowers. I am excited to see what comes next. It is making me focus on good. If you have the desire for it, I hope you give into it. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Try drawing. The great thing is that you can make anything. ANYTHING!!! It is freedom. :-) You will be great. You already are.

I love you.

Anonymous said...

So, who are you? I hear so much about what you want to do and who you want to be, but not so much on who you are. Things happen as they do for a reason. Ask yourself this, what would you do when you are not sure who someone really is? These words are not to be mean, but to make you think. You can always count on me to make you think.


Anonymous said...

I will ask again in case you did not hear me, who are you?


Angela said...

You know who I am, right? I'm compassionate, caring, loving, but sometimes I get lost in who I think I'm supposed to be for everyone else. I want to be seen in only the best light. You know that already, though. I just need to be true to myself and believe.

I do miss you.