Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Inside Out

I had a smoothie when I came home from yoga, and I just finished snacking on rice crackers and wasabi peas. I already feel anxious about what I've eaten. I'm working on eating more than once a day. That is a rule that I often fall into, and it is very difficult for me to break. The anxiety truly does not come from the food. It comes from feelings that rise to the surface when I don't use restriction to distract myself. I'm also afraid that once I begin to eat, my appetite will return, and I will want food. I already know that I need it, but to WANT it feels wrong. I'm really going to try listening to my body more when it comes to eating, and not so much to my head, where everything gets distorted and twisted around. I have to start convincing myself that eating several times a day is something positive that I'm doing for myself. What is hard is that I don't think that I've felt physically bad while only consuming one meal a day. Of course that is what I'm used to, so it will take me some time to notice a difference. Right now, all I feel is overly full and uncomfortable, and those feelings make me want to escape from where I am at the moment. I'm resisting the urge to take another yoga class today, because really that would only be purging the extra calories through exercise. I want to DO something besides just sitting with the anxiety. All that I can do is wait it out, and tell myself, "it will pass."


Just me said...

You are so strong.

Keep going, one step at a time! x

Eve said...

Yes, Angela! It will pass. you are strong, you have a great mindset, I am going to pray that your will will follow what I know you want to do. I love you!