Monday, January 30, 2012

A Rest From The Chaos

Sometimes when I feel wrapped in silence, like a butterfly trapped in a cocoon, I try to remember that I always find freedom, emerging stronger than before. I sort of fell off the face of the earth this weekend, sleeping the days away. I think my mind needs a rest from the chaos of my thoughts. This morning I felt ready to face the world. Work has been really challenging and during the day it is a good distraction.
I need to focus on my goals to move me forward, and to be more of a participant in my own life. I can't shut people out when I'm feeling lost. My therapist said that she feels me pulling away from her, and my husband has said the same thing. I'm so afraid of losing people, that sometimes it is like I want to be the one who leaves first, as if I won't be hurt as much that way. I want to let go of this fear, and to trust. I think that losing my best friend this year has played a big part in how I'm feeling. I'm still grieving the loss, and maybe I always will, but holding on to the pain isn't going to get me anywhere.


T.J. said...

I missed you this weekend! I do know how you feel.pushing people first so its not so painful to lose them. I do it all the time and it is very hard for me too change that but mt therapist and I are working on it and she points it out too me. Take care A,you know how to reach me :)

Heather Jerdee said...

Angela and T.J. I do the same. I've been having a hard time learning what is boundaries, assertiveness or avoidance and pulling away because I just don't want to be hurt. It's been really hard whatever it is I decide I get confused and feel hurt and sad. Angela I am so sorry about your best friend that is really painful. love you and hugs!

Wanda's Wings said...

Grief can cause you to pull away. Remember there are those that care about you and love you.