All Is Good

I haven't been well, physically or emotionally, and I'm not sure where one ends and the other begins. I only went to work one day this week. I'm exhausted, and even doing the minimum has required a huge amount of effort. I wasn't eating, which I know played a big part in my fatigue, but I'm getting back on track, so I should be feeling better. Now that I know what it feels like to have a healthy body, I find it difficult to tolerate the symptoms of starvation. That is a good thing!

One thing that happened this week is that I cried. It was the kind of cry that stuffs up your nose and makes you look really ugly. I haven't cried like that in a long time, and even though it feels like I'm on the verge of tears everyday, I rarely shed them. I thought that I would feel better. My therapist is always exulting the healing power of tears, but the heaviness in my chest is still present. My psychiatrist increased my anti-depressant dosage and suggested getting a therapy light. This winter has been sunnier than most, but I still struggle through the darker months. At least today, I'm showered, I took a yoga class, and I'm writing. I know I'm depressed when I can't even make it to the computer! I made it through January without hospitalization or suicidal thoughts, so if a few tears is the worst that happens, then all is good. All is good...