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Friday, February 10, 2012

All Is Good


I haven't been well, physically or emotionally, and I'm not sure where one ends and the other begins. I only went to work one day this week. I'm exhausted, and even doing the minimum has required a huge amount of effort. I wasn't eating, which I know played a big part in my fatigue, but I'm getting back on track, so I should be feeling better. Now that I know what it feels like to have a healthy body, I find it difficult to tolerate the symptoms of starvation. That is a good thing!
One thing that happened this week is that I cried. It was the kind of cry that stuffs up your nose and makes you look really ugly. I haven't cried like that in a long time, and even though it feels like I'm on the verge of tears everyday, I rarely shed them. I thought that I would feel better. My therapist is always exulting the healing power of tears, but the heaviness in my chest is still present. My psychiatrist increased my anti-depressant dosage and suggested getting a therapy light. This winter has been sunnier than most, but I still struggle through the darker months. At least today, I'm showered, I took a yoga class, and I'm writing. I know I'm depressed when I can't even make it to the computer! I made it through January without hospitalization or suicidal thoughts, so if a few tears is the worst that happens, then all is good. All is good...

7 Comments:

Jennifer said...

Thinking good thoughts for you, Angela. Weeks like that are really hard, but you are getting through it.

Sensory Overload said...

The picture you have chosen to use is very stirring for me.

I know all too well the doing of bare minimum. It was not always this way, but yet, it's become such. Where to think of showering is that of something foreign. To do something considered a "norm" simply doesn't happen for me now.

Angela; I hope that through the crying; through the processes you are taking; you will see and feel a comfort of some sort.

This resonates very much so with me, where I find myself now.

May you find that truly "all is good" and will be good. Thank you for sharing this. Truly.

Heather Jerdee said...

Big hugs from Minnesota. Care about you and understand.

Isaiah and Jonah's Mama said...

Your words make so much of a difference in others lives. (myself included) Praying they can help you too in this very difficult season. I hope some peace finds you again soon. <3

one brave duck said...

sorry you are feeling so rough. keeping you in my thoughts, c.

Wanda's Wings said...

Getting your medication at the correct dose can really make a difference. I have hear good things about therapy lamps, however I have never tried one. Hang in there you have some so far this year. Sending warm wishes and healing thoughts your way.

Nicole said...

I'm really sorry that you have been struggling and feeling so down. You are always in my thoughts, Angie, and I love you very much. Please take good care of yourself and remember that brighter days are ahead <3

<3<3<3
Nicole