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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Revisited


Revisited

When I asked if she had read it
she said it was on the floor of her closet...
the poem I had given her
discarded
I had tucked the memory away until later
when I could contemplate the hurt
because although I knew that she cared
there was an anger in me
anger that I had chosen not to acknowledge

I wonder at the time if my face gave me away
but I always smile
or at least that is what I must have done
If she noticed anything in my eyes, it didn't show
It felt like I had been slapped
I remember telling myself that it didn't matter
that she would eventually read it
It was most likely crumpled up
thrown in the trash by now

I still see her

Why do I go back and revisit the past?
Torturing myself
as if everyone is out to get me
to see if I will crumble

I weigh my words carefully
treading on thin ice
The knives that are thrown at me
penetrate my shield
but I will not let you see

Angela Minard 2012©

6 Comments:

Angie Rayfield said...

I just have no words. I think you've already said it all.

covnitkepr1 said...

Very nice.
I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.

Just Be Real said...

Very powerful Angela. Your words and expression say it all.

Anonymous said...

There's no going back my darling, because the past cannot be changed. We love you so and only wish you we could help carry your burden, to make it just a little bit lighter. You are forever in our hearts and minds. If you need us, we're always here and open to listening, whatever it is. Tell Dave that hollering doesn't solve or make better what's wrong. That's just the child in him. Loving you, Mom and Donn

Eve said...

I hate that this resonates with me. I love you and appreciate your talent and you as an artist. You are amazing!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's OK to holler. To let the OTHER person actually be heard. The focus on the illness can be suffocating for everyone else standing around and watching the destruction. So in order not to drown,in order to be able to breathe, you need to holler. The one with the illness is not the only one that suffers year after year after year after year.