Wanting

Wanting

Disconnection and mistrust

invasion upon invasion

a barrier between myself and the light

the need for solitude

but the loneliness weighs heavy

You know too much

and yet not enough

always wanting more than I can give

You all want more...

"What do you want to talk about?"

I'm afraid

You will all use it against me

I can't get away from the want

"Tell me what you need?"

Listen to me, but what if you can't hear?

I'm sick...

I can't escape the sick, the broken,

the hopeless, the yearning for a touch that burns

Should I pull away first

before you see the need?

The hunger for more than anyone can give

I'm so sorry

I can never be enough

incomplete

the words are tumbling and I cannot stop them

I promise

trying to be more than I can ever be

the words I write are all that I have

all that I can give

Give, need, and want are incongruent

all that I can say

senseless in the whirling of my mind

apologetic for losing myself to the sick

irrational in my thoughts

I used to be better

before the telling, the spilling of my soul

the loss of time, because at least I could escape

There is not freedom

Do I give up believing?

The nameless horse that I hold in my hand

a talisman

The giving to me so that maybe I can feel

Sometimes people leave on purpose

Sometimes they try to stay

and sometimes I'm the one who drifts away