Thursday, February 2, 2012



Disconnection and mistrust
invasion upon invasion
a barrier between myself and the light
the need for solitude
but the loneliness weighs heavy
You know too much
and yet not enough
always wanting more than I can give

You all want more...
"What do you want to talk about?"
I'm afraid
You will all use it against me
I can't get away from the want
"Tell me what you need?"
Listen to me, but what if you can't hear?

I'm sick...
I can't escape the sick, the broken,
the hopeless, the yearning for a touch that burns
Should I pull away first
before you see the need?
The hunger for more than anyone can give

I'm so sorry
I can never be enough
the words are tumbling and I cannot stop them
I promise
trying to be more than I can ever be
the words I write are all that I have
all that I can give
Give, need, and want are incongruent
all that I can say
senseless in the whirling of my mind
apologetic for losing myself to the sick
irrational in my thoughts
I used to be better
before the telling, the spilling of my soul
the loss of time, because at least I could escape
There is not freedom
Do I give up believing?

The nameless horse that I hold in my hand
a talisman
The giving to me so that maybe I can feel
Sometimes people leave on purpose
Sometimes they try to stay
and sometimes I'm the one who drifts away