Artwork by Sergio Albiac
We return again and again to the blank page, the empty canvas of fresh dreams and new stories to weave. The joy of an unopened box of crayons, clean tablets, scribble free. The simple decision to start over with a change of perspective and newborn eyes.
I've been thinking a great deal about how my body has been restored and renewed, but my mind is still so very disordered. Every morning I wake up with good intentions, but the eating disorder is a bully, and even though I do choose to eat, the negativity beats me down. I want to be free of the hateful voice, to be able to fight those statements that tear me down. I've believed for so long in the lies, that they have become my truth. I can continue to live my life in this way, or I can choose to stand up and fight for myself. Choosing to change is the easy part, but putting it into action is where I falter. The battle is continuous, and when one lie is allowed to penetrate, it opens the door wider for many more. The constant vigilance it requires wears me down, and I'm ashamed of how many times I've given up, but here I am, back at the beginning. I'm willing to try again. All that I can ever do is keep trying. I would be even more ashamed of myself if I didn't get back up again.