She Flies With Her Own Wings

There comes a time when you know that you have to turn your back to the darkness, and step into the light. I'm tired of looking through the key hole, knowing there is beauty outside of the prison I have created. I'm stepping to the edge, and looking down, there is fear, but now I know I can fly with my own wings. Today I feel courageous, and I know that doesn't mean there won't be days of feeling like I can't do this. I told a friend yesterday that I had moments of brilliance, and moments of defeat. That is true. I'm struggling with the eating disorder. It is like a habit that I can't quite seem to shake. It is the only life I've known for so long. I take a step in the right direction, back away, move forward, move back. My therapist says that recovery is never linear, and I have to remind myself of that. I remember a time when each moment of every day was spent feeling trapped in a body that disgusted me. During my yoga practice, I feel so free and light, and now there are times when I can carry that into my life. The critical voice still takes up a lot of space, but it isn't constant. This morning I stepped out of the bathtub and caught a glance at myself in the mirror, which is something that for the most part, I avoid when I'm naked. It was okay. I didn't want to cry. I didn't hate. I accepted and put on a pretty dress, filled with gratitude for the life and body that I'm taking back. I'm Taking Back Everything.