I had some interesting realizations in therapy and at my nutritionists this week. I have some things to work on. At my nutritionists, I told her that I had been carrying a candy bar in my purse for about a month without eating it. I realized that I use food as a way to feel powerful. Abstaining from eating the candy bar made me feel a false sense of control. I often do this, and the restriction in a way makes me feel so strong. I finally gave it to my son to eat, which is what my nutritionist encouraged me to do. In this same way, I've been breaking my protein bar in half at lunch, and not eating the other half. I eat bites here and there of dinner, and yesterday my son commented on this saying,"Get a plate, mom, and just eat." I don't like that they notice my disordered eating, and I do want to work on this. It scares me, and my therapist suggested eating a snack with her during a session. When she mentioned this, I actually broke into a sweat at the thought. I have a difficult time eating in front of people. I can do it, but it causes me a great deal of anxiety. Maybe I will try it, but I'm still not sure. I really think it would make me cry, and that also represents a lack of control. The other thing that I still need to work on is asking for my needs to be met, especially with my husband. I fear he will back away from me, and that I will be too much of a burden. Food for thought, huh?