Anything

                                         Artwork by~ Anka Pospiech                                       

I stare at the ground, the intricate pattern of the carpet beneath my feet. I had wanted to fling myself at you from the moment you opened your door, but instead I walk in calmly, sitting with my hands clasped tightly in my lap. I invision myself curling into a fetal position right there on the rug, but I'm not a child.

I have to remind myself of that fact as I gaze past you, to the window where the wind blows so silent within these four walls. You reach out, pulling me into the warm water, sinking below the surface, and in the dream we swim side by side. I am new. Slowly I awaken, wanting to hold on to the peacefullness... the safety of you. "You are not bad." From far away, I hear your voice, the words washing over me, the ice dripping from my hands. I close my eyes, again seeing everything so clearly, my stomach lurching, panic rising into my throat. I would do anything, anything to be clean...