Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Fear Of Failure

Photography by ~Norman Parkinson 1971

I rarely follow through with therapy assignments, I can't do writing prompts, and when asked an intellectual question, while put on the spot, I will blubber like an idiot, even though I can be quite expert at the subject matter being discussed. The therapy assignment this week was:Write a poem describing your good qualities. Hmmm, I thought about it, and it's not that I couldn't think of any, it is just that it would make for a dull poem. That brings me to writing prompts. It is probably great practice for writers, but my mind draws completely blank when it comes to this sort of writing exercise. I literally panic, and it takes away the passion of writing for me. I think I have stage fright when it comes to showing off my intellectual ability. Hell, I'm not a genius by any stretch, but I know shit ;-)
I'm so afraid of looking stupid, that sometimes I think I appear to actually be stupid! We all stand in our own way at times, not always trying because we are so afraid of making a mistake. I think one of the biggest mistakes we can make in life is to not take risks. I think the reason I don't do my therapy assignments is because I'm afraid of what I will find if I dig a little. This summer I'm going to try some writing prompts. I'm going to stretch myself a bit here and there, and see where that takes me.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." ~ Theodore Roosevelt


Jenn said...

it can be so scary when we dig deep into our thoughts and feelings sometimes, but that is the only way to heal those things ; )

even though the writing prompts you are going to do will be challenging and a bit scary at times... i KNOW that they will help to strengthen you. your voice and your words are important and they don't have to be the "right" things - just speak from the heart ; )

Cindy Cox said...

I followed your blog here from FB at the HTC group page:) Very interesting points you make. I feel most would agree that we are our own worst enemies and hinderances. This is especially true about myself. Sounds like a hard task at hand. I wish you luck. Read your comments. Look at those that support you and use those compliments or critiques to compile what you feel about yourself and what others tell you that you sincerely believe to be true. My mirror and my own analysis will always be harsher than anyone else could ever be to me. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. Therapy is a discovery. Embrace it. I think of myself as an expert on my medical issues because I self-research so much for my own defense of safety. I figure if I talk in therapy and go that maybe something I will say will help me or maybe even help my therapist to better understand the issues at hand. Best wishes.