I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chain saw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or fears?” Laurie Halse Anderson, ~Speak
I have often been a slave to my memories, but I am here. I have survived, and if I'm nothing else here on this blog, I am honest about my struggles, my fears, and my pain. I want to share with others who feel alone with their eating disorders, depression, and healing from trauma. I know that until I started reading the blogs of other people who were dealing with many of the same problems that I was, I felt terribly alone. I haven't always been honest with myself. I have been in denial, lied to others about my drinking and eating. I have hidden my feelings, withholding from those that love me, but I'm trying to make up for those things. I longed to be someone that I was not...to be different...to be better. I'm beginning to accept who I am, with all of my flaws and strengths. I want to be authentically me, and not the person that I think other people expect me to be. Perfection is an illusion, and I realize now that it isn't attainable. I can only strive to be the best person that I can be, and that is the quality of honesty that I feel is important.