Thursday, May 29, 2014

I Am Alive

I was searching for some old pictures of the boys to post on facebook for "Throwback Thursday." and stumbled across an old picture of myself wearing a bikini. It is ironic since I am planning on a trip to the pool with a friend today. I inhaled sharply, and quickly shuffled past it, but it wasn't fast enough to avoid the blank look on my face, the sharp collar bones, and outline of my ribcage. A friend had taken my picture at the public pool where I spent the summer with the boys. I had already given birth to all of them, and I was wasting away. I would go for days living on apple slices, and taking dozens of laxatives to get rid of everything. I wanted to be clean...empty...
Today, I will put on my swim suit. It is not a bikini, although I could wear one if I wanted. My shoulders are strong; no longer sharp and bony. I have curves and more than enough flesh to cover my ribs. There is a light in my eyes, and more importantly, I am alive. I am alive...


Lavender Simone said...

Fantastic! Fantastic!
Funny...After my "I don't have 'I hate my body' moments" comment yesterday, my super cute high waist polka dot bottom came in the mail. It made me feel like I looked like I have love handles (my husband's facial expression to that statement was hilarious. Anyway, I almost immediately sent it back, but decided to wait. Tried it on again today and I came to a similar realization as you did her and darn it, I'm sporting that baby this summer and going to love every retro - inspired moment!

Love you!

Angela said...

Good for you T!!! I've seen recent photos, so I can understand your husbands look of dismay! It sounds adorable, and I'm sure you look fabulous. I'm glad you decided to give the bottoms another try.

Love you too!!!