Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Now Is Simply Beautiful

I am wide awake, when I should be sleeping, but my mind cannot rest, and my heart is racing madly. I'm out of my routine I suppose, and life is buzzing loudly; insistant that I sit up and take notice. I'm so alive that it feels as if an electric current is running throughout my body, and it is not entirely pleasant. Changes are happening all around me, and with change comes a certain amount of discomfort. These changes are everything I've dreamt of, and it feels so unreal at times to believe that I can even have these things that I've wanted. I'm beginning to teach some yoga classes at a couple of studios in town, and it is amazing to me to love it as much as I hoped I would. I wasn't sure... I mean, I love my yoga practice, but there is a difference between practicing and teaching. A large portion of recovery for me has been sharing my journey with other people who are struggling to find their way, and that has mainly been sharing my story through writing. Yoga was the missing piece of the puzzle for me in terms of recovering from the eating disorder and post traumatic stress. I needed yoga to teach me how to re-connect to my body in a healthy way. Wanting to teach yoga stems from a tremendous desire to give back somehow, so I'm relieved to find that I love teaching, as scary as it is! I have so much still to learn, but I'm ready, and more than willing. 
The school year is over, and I have a few days off before summer school begins, so my routine has been disrupted, which often throws off my sleep. It has been an exciting couple of weeks, with my third son graduating from high school. He will be going away to college in the fall, and my husband and I are talking of downsizing. It is strange to be thinking of moving, but I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I do have the future in mind, but I'm also rooted firmly in this present moment. Whatever comes will come whether I worry about it or not, so I'm not worried. Now is simply beautiful...