Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Storm And Light

I tell people how I feel, kind of...
if I love you, I'm certain that you know it...
on the other hand, if you rub me the wrong way, I would never say so. 
Positive emotions therefore are expressed, and everything else...
yep, I do all kinds of other things with those emotions, and almost always, those things are self destructive in some way or another. 
I am apt to take the blame for situations that go awry, whether they are truly my fault or not. It is easier than sticking up for myself or arguing the point, or is it? Lately, I'm doing more sticking up for myself. I speak up more in my job. Hell, I do know what I'm doing! I'm tired of letting people bulldoze over me every chance they get. I can stand up for myself in a way that is respectful, but this approach is lacking in the general population. When I do speak up and express myself, I walk out of work with a much lighter feeling, even if it was difficult and uncomfortable. I learn everyday, better, and more effective ways of communicating. I would love everything to be sunshine and roses, but it takes the sour to appreciate the sweet, and so I remind myself that if everyday ran smoothly, and if I was always skipping around in a state of ecstatic joy, I would no longer appreciate a stormy day. I have had many dark days, and shadows threaten me on a daily basis, but I love hard, I feel deeply, and so I continue to hang on, digging my fingers into the earth, and holding on with everything I have.