Thursday, March 26, 2009

Today Is The Beginning


We are headed to Friday, and I can't even begin to say how glad I am. It has been a rough week at work with the kids at school. Transitioning back to school after the spring break is hard for everyone, but especially for kids with autism. I was bit by a student yesterday, and my preschool kids in the afternoon kept wanting to tear out of the classroom at full speed. I'm glad I wear my running shoes to work! I will definitely be ready for the weekend.
Last Saturday I had a dissociative episode that really scared my husband and my therapist. I guess that they had a hard time getting me to come back out of it, although I don't remember anything. From what they tell me, I was physically out of control, kicking and screaming, and putting up a big fight. It took them awhile to pull me out of it, but I'm just glad that they didn't have to take me to the hospital. That is one of my worst fears right now. I was really worn out on Sunday, and pretty much slept and rested for the entire day. I'm still feeling a bit disconnected and like I'm not quite on solid ground. My food issues haven't been that great either. I'm still restricting some, and purging about once a day. I saw my therapist and nutritionist on Wednesday, and they really feel like I'm just going through a rough patch, but that I can turn this around. It feels good to know that they have faith in me. This morning I ate breakfast, which is a good start, and I really do feel some confidence and strength in myself today, and today is all that I need to concentrate on.


PinkLady said...

You can do it, Angela. Let your light shine.

Much Love,

Bing (",)

Anonymous said...

Now that you have added purging to your dysfunctional behaviors, you are doing an extreme amount of harm to your already broken, weak and damaged body. Do your doctors ever outline that for you? Doesn't that scare you? I praise your therapist and nutritionist for their patience. You are lucky to have them. I wonder why you can't find the joy in living and are so stuck in the past. You are missing out on so much of life and holding on so tight to something that truly and honestly doesn't matter anymore. As you continue to see that you are deriving zero benefits from hanging onto the past, I wonder what it is about being in so much pain that you enjoy?

PinkLady said...

To Anonymous, perhaps you've never been broken and stuck in a rut before. You are lucky then. But believe me, those who are in the dark don't want to be there. And they didn't choose to stay there. For those who have found the light like you perhaps, isn't it more fulfilling if you share that light and help lead others out of the dark instead of putting them down?

Shinade said...

To Anonymous,
What a cowardly way to attack someone when you obviously have no clue what this person is going through.

If you think you are so correct then why hide your identity?

You are no better than anyone and have no right to judge......especially if you don;t even have enough guts to use your identity.

At least those of us who do have struggles are not hiding like you!!

So what's up with that anyway? What are you afraid of?

I am so sorry that you had such an episode.

Please know you are not alone. Finally I have internet access again and can visit.

I am a bulimic also and continued for years. It gave me a sense of control when everything else seem so out of control.

I have not purged now in a long long while, but, I still fight the urge some times.

Take it one minute at a time if you have too!!

I know you can do it. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and hugs,

Anonymous said...

The truth is very painful to hear.

Angel said...

Thank you Shinade and Bing. I have had two good days of no purging, and hope to continue fighting.