Moment By Moment

I'm feeling in much better spirits today, and have decided that I'm just going to take it moment by moment, and not be so hard on myself. I still don't feel any different about losing weight, and I'm still determined to do that, but I really am going to try to do it in a way that doesn't negatively impact my health. That specifically means that I'm going to make a huge effort to stop the purging. I know that restricting isn't necessarily healthy, but at this moment, it feels like the safest thing for me to do. I'm still eating, but only a minimal amount, which is just enough to not make me want to feel like purging. The feeling of any amount of fullness only upsets me and makes me feel bad about myself, and that, I don't need. This is the choice that I'm making for now, but it doesn't mean that will be the choice for tomorrow, and I'm leaving myself open for that. I am in no means trying to slowly kill myself, because I do really believe that I can control the weight loss at a certain point. I think that most of the problem is that I've damaged my metabolism to the point where I only need the minimum amount of calories to function. When I try to eat what is the normal amount of calories for someone my age and size, I maintain a weight that feels uncomfortable and unattractive for me to be happy with. My nutritionist may not agree with this, but that is the conclusion that I have come to, whether it is accurate or not. Anyway, that is the choice that fits at this moment, so that is the one that I'm going with for today. I do want to thank everyone who has been commenting. Your advice and concern mean a lot to me. The blogging world is filled with many kind and wonderful people, and I appreciate all of you who take the time to let me know that you care. Oh, and by the way, this is my 501st post on this blog, and over 100 of those have been poetry, so while you are here, feel free to check out some of my poems:)