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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Rejuvenation

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Yesterday, I literally slept all day long. I hate wasting a weekend day like that, but I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open. Today I'm feeling much better. I'm still a bit lazy, but emotionally, I'm feeling less fragile. I'm getting some laundry done, but other than that, I really don't feel like doing much. I have a new book to read called Look Me In The Eye, My Life With
Asperger's, by John Elder Robison, so that is how I plan on spending the rest of my afternoon.
I talked with my mom on the phone this morning. My dad is trying to get an anullment from her so that he can get remarried in the Catholic church. She called him today, and basically tore into him. He has done so much to hurt my brother and I, and I can no longer have anything to do with him. There is just too much pain. She asked me if she could tell him about the rape. I could never find the courage to tell him for some reason, even though it was because of his neglect that it happened in the first place. I told her that she could tell him, and even though it does nothing to change things, I feel a sense of relief that he knows. I can let go of the anger toward him, and I can forgive, but I can't let him back into my life. I'm finished with being hurt by him, and I've run out of trust. I have been blessed with a wonderful step dad, and he more than makes up for my terrible biological father. In small ways, I'm beginning to let go, and this was one more thing to let go of.
Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my weekend. Hope that everyone is having a good one:)


5 Comments:

Descartes said...

I loved Look Me In The Eye by John Elder Robison-a really great book. He has a blog by the same name and is fairly active on Twitter as well.

If your in the mood for some real father hate, try reading Augusten Burroughs Wolf At The Table-I found it a bit over the top, but it was interesting. Augusten is John Elder's brother, if you didn't already know.

Look Me In The Eye made me want to go on tour with a rock band, but I'm afraid I have put it off a bit too late.

These two writers of memoirs are brilliant, though I do like John Elder's writing better. They make me want to be a better writer-maybe even a slightly more original one.

Ruth said...

Your post sounds like what my daughter has been going through lately. I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous comment, but she was molested by a friend of her dad's earlier this year. I told her dad about it and he's either in denial or doesn't care, it's like being friends with this guy is more important to him than his own kid. She's 17 years old and she doesn't want to have anything to do with her own father ever again, it's sad.

Ruth said...

Your post sounds like what my daughter has been going through lately. I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous comment, but she was molested by a friend of her dad's earlier this year. I told her dad about it and he's either in denial or doesn't care, it's like being friends with this guy is more important to him than his own kid. She's 17 years old and she doesn't want to have anything to do with her own father ever again, it's sad.

Ruth said...

Whoops sorry for the double post!

PJ said...

letting go is sometimes the hardest thing to do, but when you finally do it is a very powerful feeling. i am happy to hear that you are taking another step in your recovery. you are an awesome woman and deserving of an awesome life! xoxox