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Friday, May 21, 2010

Time To Let Go

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I'm trying so hard not to cry. I just feel lonely right now, and I wish that I didn't have this ache in my heart. I don't seem to know what to do with myself. Dave is on his annual golf trip, so all I have are the boys, and they pretty much do their own thing. I guess teenagers are like that! Today was my last day of work for the school year, and I should be celebrating. I will miss my work friends, and even the kids, although a break from autism will be nice. I don't really have many plans for the summer. We may take a trip to Florida to visit my parents. Dave doesn't really want to do it. We will have to drive, and it is a long trip. If he doesn't want to go, then maybe I will take the boys on my own. There are also things that I want to do around my house, that I never seem to have the energy to do during the week. I'm feeling motivated at the moment. We will see how long that lasts:) I'm also feeling motivated to get the eating disorder under control. I'm doing pretty good. I've only had a couple of slips, but then I've been able to get right back on track. I'm so ready to move past this once and for all. I'm tired of hurting, and most of all, I'm so tired of hurting myself. It is more than time to let go of the past and start living my life.

10 Comments:

Wilmaryad Oscallas said...

Angela,

As a fellow child molestation survivor, I suggest that you seal that chapter of your life. It does more harm than good. You know that all too well, don't you?

It happened and we would have prevented it if we could. But it made us who we are, good or bad.

I blogged about my own experience (http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/2010/03/sexually-abused-as-child-and-i-liked-it.html) and realized it wasn't that heavy. I, now, have let go of it. Slowly but surely.

The emotional consequences will always be there, and those are what makes us unique. We're healers of pain on this earth - remember that. :)

HUGS

Wanda's Wings said...

It sounds like you are on the right track. Childhood sexual abuse is a very hard thing to get over. I continue to work on my issues daily. You sound so strong and determined. I hope you have a beautiful summer.

Angela said...

Thank you both! I'm ready to move on. Wilmaryad, I did read your blog post. I'm so glad that you were able to get past your abuse, and heal. Both of you take care:)

Ann said...

I envy you having the summer off. I would love to have a break like that from the daily grind. I never seem to have any motivation or energy when I get home from work.

Angela said...

Ann, I know what you mean about not being motivated after work, and weekends I just want a break. I don't want to clean and do more work. I'm going to get some deep cleaning and projects done over the summer.I also want to get my yard in shape. Thanks for your encouragement and comments. They always make my day:)

Anonymous said...

Angieeeeeee come onnnnnn downnnnn:

Pack the bags and head south. Put them boys in the car and go.

It is BS that we always have "something" to do. It will be there tomorrow so it never goes away even after the project is done.

Got your call and I thought I heard you say, "I'm on my way". Right.

Get out of dodge...

Love: Ole man in Florida

Angela said...

Okay...we are on our way. You are right! Is early June too soon? I need a get away,and some pool side therapy:) I will make the trip on my own if I have to. Christian can always help me drive, God help us! Are you sure that you have room for all of us, with Vic mooching off of you?
Sending all my love<3

Paula said...

Angela, yeah, Florida, feeling the sand between your toes, the wind on your skin and relaxing to the symphony of waves! Angela just yesterday during a bus ride I wondered how very little the sexual abuse by my stapfather actually bothers me. It is done and suted. Iw orked through it and it is ok. It is ok! Yet the emotional abuse by my mother is so much harder to overcome as it destroyed my trust into the figure of woman and mother. Figur woman is solved, figure mother and the relation to one is something different. it affected and still affect any relationship whatsoever! I am glad that my partner is patient and decided to heal with me!
I believe you do as fab job with yourself. it takes time but it can be done. Soem days it is easier then on others. Heya, girl, you have precious ME time. Love from my heart to yours.

Anonymous said...

Not sure how this fits, but I will say it anyways. Some one like you should never have to feel hurt or pain. I understand that these things are part of life, but you should also know that happiness and your wonderful smile is part of the same world. It would be wonderful to see and hear that happiness is more of your life than the negative feelings. Superman wants you to be happy all the time. You deserve it and have earned it.

Superman

Angela said...

The positives are definitely beginning to overide the negatives!
Superman, thank you for being my friend:) You bring a lot of light to my life.