"You need chaos in the soul to give birth to a dancing star." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
I'm thinking that I have so much inner chaos that it isn't even funny! I should soon be dancing:)
I'm feeling some much needed strength and determination in the past few days. My therapist told me last week to just do one thing different in my life, and see how that can change things. I'm trying to slow down, and challenge the negative thoughts in my mind. The messages that I'm continually giving myself have never been positive ones. I beat myself up so much that I can't see any of my gifts clearly. We all have gifts, which I can recognize in others, so why not myself? I received a very nice compliment today, and the first thing that I thought was how can that person see what they see, when I cannot see it? My mom always tells me, "I wish you could see in yourself what I see." I wish that too. I have a negatively distorted sense of self, and I realize that this is one of the things that I really want to change. It is going to take a lot of retraining my brain, but I need to start caring for and about myself. Yes, part of that means nourishing my body, and realizing that it is alright to have needs, food being one of them. I'm willing, if anything, to allow myself to take up space in this world.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Chaos
Posted by Angela at 6:49 AM
Labels: determination, recovery, strength
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6 Comments:
One of the hardest thing for me to grasp and I still have difficulty Angela is that I do have needs. And it is okay to be needy to take care of yourself, to set up boundaries. I hear you dear one and am listening. Blessings.
it's really hard for me to think clearly about anything when i am hungry.
i can't hear compliments either. i think there's something wrong with the complimenter. UNLESS, of course someone tells me it's terrific that i've gained weight. i sure hear that!!!! not the terrific part, of course.
great, good luck accomplishing your goals. you are so very, very, very, very, very worth it
We are all our own worst critics but you are much harder on yourself than most. Take up space, and let yourself shine.
It is so easy to be hard on ourselves. Not take care of ourselves. There is so much good in you. You care for those special needs children everyday. That takes a special person. ((((Angela)))))
Oh we are so very good in being hard and unkind to ourselves. I doubt we ever would treat a freind that way. I know I ma becoming my best friend. Slowly but surely and it helps. Changing these pattern isnt easy but so very rewarding. Angela, I truly can relate, I hear you - and I am in your corner.
The better your nourish your body, the better your body and MIND will nourish you...so it'll be easier for you to love yourself once your mind is in a healthy place. It's so hard to get there, and ED is going to fight you every step of the way, but you just have to have faith that you are doing the right thing. Once you get to that point, you will be so glad you did.
Take care of yourself, babe. I am on your side 110%.
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