Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Wrong Place


I read so many wonderful and inspirational recovery blogs, but I guess that you have come to the wrong place if that is what you were expecting here. Nope, this is the blog of a depressed, anxious, relapsed anorexic woman in her forties, who has no plans to budge from this spot at the moment. I do contemplate the thought of making a change, but I'm so afraid that it's not even funny. I turn all of that fear into the fear of gaining weight, the fear of food, of being seen consuming food. I make it all about the food so that I don't have to focus on anything else. I apologize for not being the most positive, uplifting recovery blog ever. I read those blogs, so there is a part of me that must want to recover. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm struggling from anyone. I'm being completely honest with my treatment team. There is help for me, I'm just not taking advantage of it. Maybe I will just sit here for awhile and dangle my feet off the edge of this cliff.


Just me said...

Massive hug & so much love x x x

Sia Jane said...

You know what makes me so sad, is that I have actually grown to really care and love you.
You have such talent and it breaks my heart that you are "accepting" this is where you are.
I guess few words from me are going to make you change.
I just hope you will allow yourself to soon.
I think it is a complete travesty that you are accepting this is all there is for you.
An absolute loss of a beautiful soul xxxx

Wanda's Wings said...

Angela I believe in hope even when it seems impossible. You are so talented. I hate what you are going through. I have no magic answer, but do care for you and would like to see you happy.

Blue Butterfly said...

Sitting by the edge of the cliff for a while is not necessarily a bad thing. Some quiet time alone away from people telling you what to do is always a good opportunity to ruminate and reflect on the things that are bothering you.

The vast emptiness of the yawning chasm in front might beguile, but those things that lie behind (your sons, your husband, the kids you work with at school) are things that make life worth living, and recovery worth attempting. Again, and again.

*big hug*

Missy said...

Where are you today Angela?
Have you manages to turn this slump around? You are a fighter.
I remember you are a fighter.