The weather here is still dreary, drizzly, and cold. I sit here as I type, wishing for fingerless gloves. Yes, I would wear them:) I'm still struggling with the depression, but reaching out for help. My psychiatrist raised my medication dose, so hopefully that will help. Eating and more nutrition would also help my mood, and yesterday I did better than usual, but today it was back to restricting. The full feeling is hard for me to sit with, even though I know that it will pass if I give it time. I just didn't want to go through that today. My nutritionist weighed me on Wednesday, and I've lost weight, although she wouldn't tell me how much. That is fine. I already knew I had lost, and though the eating disorder is thrilled by this, there is another part of me that is afraid. I'm afraid that I won't find my way out of this, ever. I'm afraid that I will always be ruled by weights and numbers, food and calories, the mirror and my distorted mind. I'm really ...
Therapy last night was intense. First off, I found out that my therapist had been in the hospital over the weekend with vertigo. She still wasn't doing well yesterday, which made me worry. She said that all the tests they ran showed that she is in excellent health, so I'm trying not to worry too much. I hate being needy, but I'm so afraid of losing the people that I care about. I know that everyone feels this way, and that it's not exclusive to me, but I feel like I need more assurance that no one is going anywhere. I'm especially this way with my husband. I think because I was so close to losing him, the fear is always right below the surface. We talked about this last night, and I almost broke down. The therapist/patient relationship is a strange one. I wish that I wasn't so attached, but how is it possible to share everything that I have without some kind of bond. I also know that the time is going to come when I actually don't need her anymore, and as much as I want to get better, that thought makes me sad. My therapist says that when the time comes for me to move on, it won't be so hard. I hope that she is right! Other than that, today I'm feeling so much better. I slept well last night, and my day so far is going great. I see my nutritionist tonight, and I'm excited to tell her that I ate chicken enchiladas last night for dinner. I'm trying to do more than the oatmeal. I'm doing better at listening to my hunger cues, but I'm still having a hard time eating more than once a day. Once this week, I did eat lunch and dinner. I'm seeing small improvements every week. Where I am at the moment feels good:) 
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when i was in therapy, and i would make improvement, sometimes i would want to backslide so my therapist would never decide i was well and didn't need her anymore.
can you stay in the present and not worry about a time when you might want to ease therapy?
i was in therapy for years. take as long as you need. and then some, if you want
And I'd never thought of a relationship with a therapist like that before. Having thought about becoming a counsellor, but never having had therapy, I'd only ever thought of it from the other point of view - I think that if I was someone's therapist, I would get that attached to their situation. I hadn't thought of it the other way round, but you're so right, and I can definitely see it in my own life just with people who have allowed me to open up to them.