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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Summer Plans And Goals

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As this school year winds down, it seems that the days get busier, and the kids that I work with are thrown a bit off kilter. Their routines get shaken up, and children with autism don't do well with change most of the time. The next two weeks are going to feel long. I wish that I was going to be off for the entire summer, but I went ahead and signed on to work summer school. My incentive is being able to afford a new laptop. It also gets me up and out of my p.j.'s, instead of lounging the day away. I will have a month of summer where I won't work, and that is still a good break.
I really want to focus this summer on moving my mind and body away from the eating disorder. Yoga has propelled me forward, and I'm improving in so many ways, but there is still so much work to do. The weather is warming up, the yoga clothes, and summer clothes in general are more revealing of my body, and that has made me self conscious and critical of myself. Today was a bad body image day, which I let affect my food intake, and the negative voices ran rampant through my mind. This week hasn't started off well when it comes to food, so I need to get my head back in the game. It is strange the amount of effort I have to put into eating. I know that is hard for people without eating disorders to understand. My hunger cues aren't reliable, and after so many years of restricting, it feels like eating the 3 meals and 2 snacks that I'm supposed to have is a lot of work, and a lot of food. I'm not even up to the snacks yet!
I still have great faith that I will get through all of this, and even the not so good days are steps on my journey.

10 Comments:

Wanda's Wings said...

I think you are doing a wonderful job.

battleinmind said...

I like your determination, You are going to make it
xxx

natasha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
natasha said...

Hi! i just came across your blog by mistake, and i'm so glad i did. I can relate to you and its given me inspiration and encouragement.
I love your poetry, (i write poetry myself)it's so beautiful, and so heartfelt...
My sister is anorexic and i take comfort in how you progress...it helps me hope that she will too...
thanks!

Just me said...

I still have great faith in you too - your progress has been incredible, you will do this!!

I Hate to Weight said...

to me, faith is almost everything. toss in some action (as you're doing) and YOU CAN NOT LOSE.

Eve said...

You ARE doing it! and every step is a step in the right direction. Its amazing how much an eating disorder consumes us. I really think though, that it isn't the food or the eating, but what we are trying to avoid knowing about or dealing with that shifts our focus to the eating. mmmmmmmmm, i feel a blog post coming on:)

Sia Jane said...

You know how proud I am of you, right?
I have been blog absent.
And this was just wonderful to read xxxx

artconstellation said...

You are doing a great job, Angela. You are truly healing. You have worked hard and continue to work hard and the work DOES PAY OFF!! It takes so long... such a relief when the results of the healing start to become visible. Keep going!!

My best thoughts to you,
Jenny

les jeune fille à les oiseaux said...

you are so wonderfully and beautifully strong. I can only forsee wonderful things in your future because of your strong will. inspiring.