Too Much
I want so much to recover from my eating disorder, but I'm beginning to believe that I will never be able to. I'm at my target weight, and I hate it. It feels like too much. I know that it sounds bad, and I can only say it here, but I miss the emptiness. The feelings all feel like too much. Everything is just too much. At times, the fear and anger overwhelm me, and my nightmares have just been terrifying. I dream of the rape, and yes, now I can fight back. I know that is good, but the violence I have inside of me is shocking. The images are so frightening and it is hard to get through the day without having flashbacks of the rape. I wonder if I will ever be free.