Holding On To Love

I wonder sometimes...when will there be a day when flashing memories don't haunt me...when I can make it through a day when I don't remember what they did...When? Maybe never. Maybe those memories make up part of who I am, but damn...they hurt so much sometimes...I'm not sure if I can do it everyday. Scary thoughts and images run through my mind, and what I hoped were normal thoughts that everyone has...are not normal. I told my therapist that sometimes I feel as if I'm going to ruin everything. I feel like jumping off of the roof or of driving into on- coming traffic, and those feelings are frightening and disconcerting. I had hoped that everyone felt like that sometimes, although I generally don't feel suicidal, there are days when I'm just so tired. Isn't everyone? I guess not. I'll fail...I'll fall...I'll hold on to love.

Comments

Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Anonymous said…
Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. You are going to fail because you can't face the truth.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Angela said…
Wow! Thanks for your encouragement:)
Friday, August 01, 2008
Anonymous said…
I believe scary thoughts come into the heads of those of us who have had something really traumatic happen. I understand that your blog is one of good and bad thoughts,as should everyone else who reads it. To offer positive and helpful advice is always welcome. To spread venom is as nasty as all the bullies out there who think it's their god given right to take advantage of anyone, who is or might be in a weakened condition at the time. This one isso brave he won't even leave his idenitly. My daughter is as brave as they get. She's works everyday on trying to get past the trauma that's happened to her. This self serving bully knows only the bits and pieces of her life that she's shared and then thinks it's his right to sit in Gods' chair and to judge. Not one of us are perfect including him. He needs to exam his own motives for spewing his negative and unhelpful words. My daughter has made giant steps in her recovery and encouragement is all any of us need, in good or bad moments in our lives. I notice you never comment on her good times. That tells me alot about YOU! I LOVE YOU AND BELIEVE IN YOU IN GOOD AND BAD TIMES MY DAUGHTER! LOVE MOM
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Angela said…
I love you too, Mom! Thanks for understanding, and always supporting me.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Anonymous said…
The more you get in touch with your eternal self, the less the vessel will matter. You will SUCCEED because you have a beautiful, strong spirit that is whole and shining through, untouched by those who did horrible things to your body as a child.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Anonymous said…
Love hurts and that's the reality. but we have the option to just go on with our life and forgot the past. you should leave the past behind, live the present and open ourselves to future. That will make you happy. Don't give up easily, time can heal anything just don't quit.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
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