Going On Vacation

I'm taking a break from packing to let you all know that I'm going on vacation. We are taking a road trip in our Chevy Venture which I have lovingly named Chervil, and heading to Colorado and Arizona. I'm excited about seeing the Grand Canyon, which I've always wanted to see, so I will hopefully be posting some awesome pictures. This is our first family vacation in a very long time, and I'm really looking forward to spending some time with all of my boys, and yes, that definitely includes my husband. The boys are all getting older and it will become more and more rare that we will all be able to go on trips together, so I plan on making the most of it.
There are of course some minor worries for me while we are on our trip, but I'm trying to push these thoughts out of my head. For one thing, we will be eating out at fast food places a lot, which is causing me some anxiety. I don't eat that type of food very often. I like to eat at home most of the time with foods that I feel safe consuming. I'm telling myself that it's not a huge deal, and I know that there are many healthy choices that I can make. It's just out of my comfort zone. I'm also very nervous about wearing a bathing suit. I'm hoping that the one I have fits. I've been too scared to try it on. I figure that if it doesn't, or I'm too uncomfortable, I won't put myself through it. The other part of my head tells me that I should get over the discomfort because I don't really want to miss out at some fun in the sun, and it will limit what I do while on vacation. I'm tired of letting this eating disorder stand in the way of living my life. The last worry that I have is my concern over what other people will think of my weight gain. I know that I shouldn't care, and it is getting easier, but the eating disorder loves to tell me what a fat pig I've become, and how I must not have any self control. It tries to make me believe that other people will also think those horrible things about me. I have been much better about feeding myself positive thoughts, and I'm often reminding myself that my self worth should not be based upon what size of jeans I wear. It is very difficult in this society, when the world is constantly telling us that we need to be ultra thin to gain happiness and success, but I'm beginning to believe, because despite the struggles that I'm still having, I've never been healthier or happier. Recovery is definitely worth it!