Near The Edge Of Dawn

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I startle easily, jumping like a newborn from the slightest touch or any sudden sound. My jumpiness can be embarrassing, and I often feel as if I'm not connected to myself, drifting part way between some other world. I have nightmares that aren't really nightmares. They are memories that play out in my sleep, near the edge of dawn, and I wake up raw. Every sound is louder, and every touch hurts more. I cannot even stand affection today. It makes me want to cringe and cry out, and if I could find some way to disappear I would. I still smile and go about my day, because that is what I know I have to do. I'm grateful that I have people to smile at, and who also smile back, even when I feel so mean inside.

Comments

Mike Golch said…
I can relate to the jumpiness.I was once grabbed from behing by a couple of inmates.turns out the were part of a prank that my fellow corrections offers decided to pull on me.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
MegaMan The Mad man said…
A smile is worth a thousand compliments...Glad you have support..pass on the smile it's contagious..eventually it will reach me...
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Jackie said…
i can relate too Angela. Mine got so bad that the medicine I currently take blocks almost all dreams!!

I rarely ever dream anymore. Some time I miss it. But, when I remember how bad they were then I am okay with only dreaming a little bit.

I apologize for not stopping in last night when I dropped by.

It was late and as you can imagine tensions are taught here right now and Walter and I were having a wee bit of grumpiness with each other.

But, we made up and went to bed. So I am hear today to send you smile and a hug!!

Thank you so much Angel for your support and your kind words. It really meant a great deal to me and all of us!!

Big big hugs!!
Jackie
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
robin said…
"I cannot even stand affection today."

I know this feeling well.
{HUGS}
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Ann said…
Your post kind of reminded me of the song that has the line in it "I'm dieing inside and nobody knows it but me" I can't even pretend to know how you must feel but I can stand on the sidelines and root for you all the way.
I want to thank you so much for the sweet words you left on my blog. You made my day.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Wanda's Wings said…
I can truly relate to the jumpiness. It is really a pain to deal with. I am sorry you have the nightmares. They can be really rough. Smile do help, even the broken spirit. Hoping some comfort and rest for you.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Anonymous said…
Angela, I relate to a lot of what you're saying in this post: the jumpiness, the memories, the distaste for affection, the fake smiles. I'm glad you're able to express yourself here on your blog.

Wishing you well,
NOS
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
One Creative Queen said…
I love how your poss are so honest, open and raw. It's like you're able to pull out things I feel - and write them. I love reading your blog.

I also love your background - it's beautiful! xx
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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