Because Of You

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"Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you I am afraid."

Kelly Clarkson

Well, day 5 didn't go as planned. I exercised, and skipped dinner, and I'm still trying to figure out why. Am I avoiding a feeling, worried about being thinner, or both? I like to believe that it is all about being thinner, when in truth it has nothing to do with it. It is my way of avoiding looking at myself. It is me putting blinders on, because I'm afraid of who I will see. What happened yesterday to make me afraid? I happened to come home from work and decided to read a letter that my dad had sent me months ago, but had put aside. I thought that I was strong enough to look at it, but maybe not. It had been sitting on the kitchen counter for months, and why now? He's sorry...so sorry, and why do I care? Shoulds get in my way. I should forgive, and yet I can't seem to.
Anyway...I had a slip, but I'm ready to get back on the horse, so to speak:) I'm not giving up.

Comments

Paula said…
You skipped dinner. OK, it happenend. You have a eating pattern for so long, Iam sure you dont expect all goes smooth straight away? C'on lady, you are smarter then that. Be kind with yourself and patient. Old pattern die hard. You skipped dinner yesterday, and today is a new day. A new day in which you can pick up where you left off yesterday. It isnt important that you slip, only that you pick up again.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Anonymous said…
The person that you will see is yourself and trust me, she not as "bad" as you think she is.

Superman
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Ann said…
Forgive yourself for the little slip and get back into your new routine. You know what you want now go get it :)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
C.B. said…
Good to see you're not willing to let things drag you down. Like with running, in the right moderation, you get better at it; sometimes we just need to remind ourselves. Excellence isn't just a virtue; it's a habit, so keep it up and good luck.
Friday, May 21, 2010
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