Not Lost, Just Wandering
"You can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl, so cradle your head in your hands, and breathe, just breathe."
~Anna Nalick
Yesterday turned out to be a better day than I thought it would be. At least I didn't get hit, only swung at a few times. I know that working with me is an adjustment for this child, and that transitioning is hard for those with autism. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and hope that the aggression will subside some after he gets used to me. The only problem is that I know that he was highly aggressive prior to my arrival. I don't believe that he should be in a classroom where other children especially could get hurt. Since I've been with him, he has already struck another child in the stomach, leaving a red mark, and we had to write a note to his parents. This is not okay in my opinion, but of course, my opinion doesn't really matter much. My supervisor told me to take it as a compliment that they give me some of the hardest kids, but a lot of good that will do me if I end up getting seriously injured. Oh well...enough complaining about my job! Let's see...what else can I complain about?;-)
Last night I had some seriously frightening dreams that I was hospitalized yet again. It was horrible, and I woke up feeling very afraid. I don't want to go down that road. I think that I have it together, you know? I can control the eating disorder, but not the depression. The depression takes hold with it's ugly grip, and I feel powerless, but right now, for all that I'm going through, I'm not really depressed. I'm more anxious than anything. I had a panic attack the day before yesterday while I was in my car, and it wasn't pretty, because I'm out of medication. I hadn't had one in a long time, so I didn't refill it. I know that I will get through this. It is just another difficult blip in my life. I've been through much worse, and here I still am. Maybe I'm not lost, just wandering.
Comments
take care
xoxo
-Lisa
maybe it sounds easier than it will be to do it, but it worked out. nowadays i have some times when i feel down but otherwise i'm genuinely satisfied with my life and it's just normal to have good and bad days (without the bad days the good ones wouldn't stand out and it would be boring ;) )
hope this piece of advise can help you
xoxo
you're a strong woman for managing your day job.
i had a panic attack today -- not sure why. i'd just taken a long walk with my niece and my sister tracked us down to pick us up, because my niece was late and not answering her phone. tensions and tempers rose, and i think i took it in.
i hate panic attacks. hope you're feeling better.
You are an angel.
~Missy