The weather here is still dreary, drizzly, and cold. I sit here as I type, wishing for fingerless gloves. Yes, I would wear them:) I'm still struggling with the depression, but reaching out for help. My psychiatrist raised my medication dose, so hopefully that will help. Eating and more nutrition would also help my mood, and yesterday I did better than usual, but today it was back to restricting. The full feeling is hard for me to sit with, even though I know that it will pass if I give it time. I just didn't want to go through that today. My nutritionist weighed me on Wednesday, and I've lost weight, although she wouldn't tell me how much. That is fine. I already knew I had lost, and though the eating disorder is thrilled by this, there is another part of me that is afraid. I'm afraid that I won't find my way out of this, ever. I'm afraid that I will always be ruled by weights and numbers, food and calories, the mirror and my distorted mind. I'm really ...
This is my second week of yoga, and I love it so much! I alternate between a yoga basics class and a deep stretch class. It is amazing how connected I feel to my body with the slow movements combined with deep breathing. My mind becomes so focused on the movements that everything else that I'm thinking about falls away. A few times after class, I have barely made it to my car, and then burst into tears. I understand the emotion, because I'm not used to the connection, but I tend to want to move past it quickly, pushing myself away from the feelings. They are coming out anyway though, and it is okay...my world isn't falling apart. I find myself worrying less over the small, unimportant details, and I'm much more relaxed. I also slept like a baby last night without my anti-anxiety medication, which I take as needed. I'm a poor judge of how well I'm doing with food, but I have been trying to listen to my body. I went home for lunch today and made myself a sandwich because I was hungry. I'm trying to honor that as much as possible, but my hunger cues aren't all that reliable, and also I have the battle of the eating disorder going on in my head. If that sounds like excuses, it probably is, but I'm also trying to be kind to myself, and something tells me that I need to take all of this slow and steady, so that is what I'm going to do. 
Comments
This was such a positive post! I think you have found something really good for you. It sounds like you are connecting with your body and emotions. Good for you. I am really proud of you.
I'd also like to say that nothing in this sounded like excuses. Yes, you do have the battle of the eating disorder there but it is something that you're fighting and I don't think you need to feel you should justify whatever struggles it is causing. Excuses didn't even come into my head until I saw you'd written it. I really just see this as you being aware of what's going on, and knowing what you need to do to help yourself. Slow and steady sounds great to me - don't feel you have to do anything faster than what is right for you.
Hope that all makes sense..! But basically, I loved this post :) Keep going Angela! x x
slow and steady is the best way, isn't it?
it's wonderful that something is giving you some relief.
Yoga sounds like a good, positive step, as does listening to your body.
Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy for your eating disorder?
We are happy that we could be there for you and all you have ever had to do is ask!
Stay positive and healthy.
Old Man and Old Lady from Florida