Just Snap Out Of It
The weather here is still dreary, drizzly, and cold. I sit here as I type, wishing for fingerless gloves. Yes, I would wear them:) I'm still struggling with the depression, but reaching out for help. My psychiatrist raised my medication dose, so hopefully that will help. Eating and more nutrition would also help my mood, and yesterday I did better than usual, but today it was back to restricting. The full feeling is hard for me to sit with, even though I know that it will pass if I give it time. I just didn't want to go through that today. My nutritionist weighed me on Wednesday, and I've lost weight, although she wouldn't tell me how much. That is fine. I already knew I had lost, and though the eating disorder is thrilled by this, there is another part of me that is afraid. I'm afraid that I won't find my way out of this, ever. I'm afraid that I will always be ruled by weights and numbers, food and calories, the mirror and my distorted mind. I'm really going to try to eat more this week. If I can focus on the holiday's and being connected to my family, I think that will help. This is my last week of work before Christmas break, and my parents will be here on Saturday. I can't wait to see them, and I know the boys are excited because they keep asking when they are getting here. We still haven't decorated or put up the tree, but it will definitely be done tomorrow. I can no longer put it off, and I just have to snap out of these blues.
Snap!
Comments
i wish i can extend to you my sunshine. i wish i can make you feel its warmth right now. but just like ruth, all i can give here are my {{{hugssssss}}}.
i'm sure your parents' presence will make a big difference.
blessings to you, my friend!
Thank you and Bing for the hugs. They are most appreciated. I've already had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast this morning, so I'm off to a good start:)
I hope you read my latest post on Stigma No More, it has to do with removing painful memories that may help you and myself along with so many others with our illnesses, that we all have. Hang in there I know how hard it is to fight those feelings of depression, especially now for me during the Holiday season without my mom's and for all of us in one way or another.
Take Care of yourself,
Janet :)
He calls these times my Elvis periods which I hate. But I just get so out of control so I understand his analogy. Sorry to unload on you. I find your blog to be a safe place to talk about things I just don't say anywhere else.
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