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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

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I’m sadly detached, as if I’m watching myself through a window. Everything is dreamlike and surreal, with the world spinning in slow motion, and yet I can’t seem to reach myself. I was hoping that some of the depression would lift. I don’t feel as hopeless, but I’m still feeling sad and despondent. I can’t pinpoint a reason as to why I’m feeling this way which is so frustrating, because I would fix it if I could. I’m glad to be at work, I’m slowly increasing my food intake, I’m going to all of my therapies, taking my medications, and going to the addiction recovery meetings. I’m doing what I can to take care of myself, but still this sadness hangs over me. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m hoping that the warmth and sunshine of spring will pull me out of this darkness. I always seem to lose hope in the midst of winter, so maybe the grey, dreary days wear me down, making me more susceptible to depression. I just don’t want to go through another winter like this. I need to find a way to combat these feelings and be proactive when they begin to come around. Maybe through all of this therapy, I will be taught some ways to better help myself.

38 Comments:

clean and crazy said...

has your therapist talked to you about mindfulness? mine gave me a mindfulness handout about being aware of my feelings and being in the moment. and being aware when a feeling comes and she said to have a Teflon mind and let it just slide through with out sticking, but that takes a lot of practice.

gratitude lists also help. think of what makes you happy and your kids and husband. be grateful. i used to get mad when people told me i needed a gratitude list. i thought "I'm grateful you fu#$$#!"
then i realized the reason to write the gratitude list is to help me stop being sad or mad and to help me change my attitude. it is easy to forget the good things, the simple things in life that make us feel good, like the smell of fresh brewed coffee. you know think of good things and things that smell good and it helps keep your mind positive. take care girl and even if you feel sad on the inside i know you are doing better on the outside

Nicole said...

*Hugs*

I'm sorry you are so down right now, Angie. I understand how you feel. I've been struggling with the same depression and also feeling somewhat disconnected in that surreal kind of way. Like a ghost just moving through the motions of the day. I'm thinking the winter weather is wearing me down as well.

My littlest nephew gave me some hope this afternoon, though. We were sitting in front of the window together, looking at all of the snow from the storm last night, and I said that the winter made me sad and that I really missed the green leaves.

He told me, "Yeah, but the trees are still here and they're still pretty and the leaves and flowers will always come back, so don't be sad." He's right. I love pep talks from wise five-year-olds :)

I hope you start to feel better.

Sending all my love and sunlight <3

Mike Golch said...

the winter can really add to the doldrums,that is a fact.Big Time Hug!

PJ said...

it sounds like you have SAD (seasonal affective disorder)have you ever heard of this? maybe you should google this and see if you think this is it. you are always in my thoughts angela and in my heart.

hugz!

Ann said...

So sorry you're going through such a rough time. I've heard of lots of people who have problems in the winter due to light deprivation (or something like that) and I heard that certain lighting can help.

Poetic Shutterbug said...

Angela, I also think that this time of year has alot to do with the way you are feeling. I think that you are slowly increasing your food intake and just the fact that you recognize you are feeling this way is a positive. You will be fine.

Laane said...

Hi.

I so understand your feelings and I hope you'll be able to get on top.
Did you ever have light therapy?

Angela said...

No, I've never had light therapy, but I've heard of it. Have you done it, and does it help? Thanks for your comment:)

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