Combat

I’m sadly detached, as if I’m watching myself through a window. Everything is dreamlike and surreal, with the world spinning in slow motion, and yet I can’t seem to reach myself. I was hoping that some of the depression would lift. I don’t feel as hopeless, but I’m still feeling sad and despondent. I can’t pinpoint a reason as to why I’m feeling this way which is so frustrating, because I would fix it if I could. I’m glad to be at work, I’m slowly increasing my food intake, I’m going to all of my therapies, taking my medications, and going to the addiction recovery meetings. I’m doing what I can to take care of myself, but still this sadness hangs over me. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m hoping that the warmth and sunshine of spring will pull me out of this darkness. I always seem to lose hope in the midst of winter, so maybe the grey, dreary days wear me down, making me more susceptible to depression. I just don’t want to go through another winter like this. I need to find a way to combat these feelings and be proactive when they begin to come around. Maybe through all of this therapy, I will be taught some ways to better help myself.