Life Choices

Even in the desert, a flower can bloom.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about choices, and how they pertain to the lives we lead. We do not always choose the circumstances in which we find ourselves, but we can choose how we respond to them. We ALL live a life and even though we may have some of the same experiences, or have been a part of the same situations, we are all affected differently. We all have our own story, from our own point of view. We all walk our own path. We all react based on our own internal make-up. We cannot expect another to “get over something” or to “let it go” because our trials and our tribulations are what make us who we are. Our trials can be used as positive growth or hinder us from moving forward based on what we choose, but moving forward does take time and healing, and no one else can determine the pace at which we heal. Most of the time it is two steps forward, and one step back, and those steps can be frustrating, but ultimately, we choose in what direction to go. Did I choose to have an eating disorder? No, I did not. It was used as a coping skill to deal with a trauma that occurred in my life, and letting go of it when it was my safety and security for so long is difficult, but I'm choosing life and recovery. I make mistakes, I fall backwards at times, and it is a daily battle in my mind between my healthy voice, and the voice of my eating disorder. I share my daily struggles in this blog, and writing here helps me to sort out all of the thoughts that swirl around in my mind. I have had comments from people who only want to read my happy and positive thoughts, but this is my journey TOWARDS healing, and there are many times when I stumble. Yes, I still have anger. I kept those feelings buried inside for a long time, and part of healing is being able to express those feelings. I would certainly like to think that more often than not, I am finding the joy and laughter in life. There are definitely aspects of my life that trip me up, but on most days, I have never been happier. One of the first and the most important parts of my recovery was reaching out for help and breaking my years of silence, and that is what I encourage anyone who is dealing with an eating disorder or trauma to do.