Now Is What Matters

I'm feeling better today, even though it is still so grey and gloomy outside... Oh, and did I mention, absolutely frigid!

I had a good day, even though I was observed by the parent of the student that I work with. I was nervous about it beforehand, but it went well, and he seemed pleased by how I handled his behaviors. I was worried about it all weekend. I tend to get overly anxious and worked up over things in which I have no control. Now I only have four more days of work, and then Christmas break. It will be three weeks of heaven. This week I will be getting ready for my parents visit. We put the tree up last night, and now I'm feeling more festive. I've been knitting like a mad woman to finish up my scarves for Christmas gifts. I also sold two of them at work, and I still have a couple to do for friends. I think it has helped to keep me sane, but I do think the increase in meds have already helped some.

I finally called my dad back today after weeks of avoiding his calls. He left a message on my machine today, and asked if I would go to one of his therapy sessions with him. When I called him, I told him that I would think about it, and that maybe we could meet for coffee and talk sometime before I go back to work. I actually feel relieved that I called him back because it was weighing on my heart and mind. I think that I just want to keep moving forward and away from the past. It is what it is, and placing blame on others really isn't getting me anywhere.

Food has been better. Last night I had a chicken sandwich with Dave, and then at lunch today I had some pita chips with hummus, in case you all care what I eat! What I should eat feels so complicated and overwhelming. Maybe after the holiday's I will have my nutritionist make me out a specific meal plan to follow so that I don't even have to decide what to eat for awhile, at least until I can get back on track. I'm afraid of gaining back the weight that I've lost, and feel as if my self worth is based on what I weigh. I want to get past it, but I'm at loss as to how to do that when so for so long, it is what I've believed. I know that it doesn't even work, because even when I've been at my thinnest and sickest, I've not felt good about myself. Today I feel like I'm in a good place, and now is what matters.