Slowing Down
My therapist gave me this book called The Food & Feelings Workbook by Karen R. Koenig. I've been flipping through it, and to tell you the truth, I'm afraid to read it. God forbid, it might help me to get more in touch with my feelings! I notice that throughout the book, it asks you to stop, close your eyes, and ask yourself how you feel. I've tried this a few times, and nothing comes. I draw a blank. I hate to be asked how I feel because I'm afraid that the answer will somehow be wrong, as if my feelings aren't valid. The question overwhelms me, and I shut down. I've become more quiet and inward lately, but I'm still having trouble slowing my mind down. I've had a couple of panick attacks in the past two weeks. The tension at work on top of all of the therapy has me feeling anxious. Last night in my therapy session, we really worked on ways for me to learn to slow my mind down with some peaceful visualizations. We practiced in the session, and I walked out of there feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time. I think that I will be able to do these on my own when I start to feel stressed.
I've noticed at work and in my group sessions, that I tend to take on everyone else's problems, and make them my own, and then I'm left feeling overwhelmed. I'm definitely going to work on this. I think that I'm beginning to become more aware of ways in which I sabotage myself, and awareness is half the battle. I feel like with this awareness, I will be better able to control how I react to stressful situations.
Lastly, food is going much better. I'm still drinking meal replacement drinks, but sometimes I'm able to have food instead. I'm recognizing my hunger cues, and trying to eat when I feel hungry. It is hard, and definitely scary, but I feels like it's getting easier everyday. I know that everyday won't be easy, but I'll take the days that are!
Comments
I'm so happy to hear that the days are getting better for you. I am so proud of you for all the work you are doing and for staying strong.
Keep holding on <3
I love you so much!
Nicole
I am not the Anonymous above...he is the crazy one, not me.
Love...Old man from Florida
Sure there are still obstacles to overcome. When things run deep, it takes a long time to heal them. You are making changes and if that person thinks you're not moving fast enough for him or her...well, it doesn't matter a bit, does it?
You continue doing what is working for you. You know you have made changes and so do those close to you. THAT'S all that matters.
How on earth that person could say that you're not doing anything is completely ridiculous to me. As a person who has recovered (for the most part) from an E.D. and who has fully recovered from drug addiction, I know personally how difficult it can be.
Do what is good for you and don't worry about the foolishness from others. Even my opinion doesn't really matter. All that matter sis what you think and whwat you know is true.
Tons of love.
T.
I love your artwork. It is brave of you to share your journey of recovery with us all. I can't comment on how far you've come, but what I do know is that your moving in the right direction. Writing and making art are useful and it's healing. It helps heal the trauma and is a good alternate coping skill to the addictions.
Healing really does take time. There will always be slow parts to the journey, but don't stop. Keep moving. Let the small, positive changes you're making propell you towards the big ones. Healing is done one step at a time! Hang in there!
P.s-Love your layout and design, too.