Imagine

"Don't let the imaginary person in your head

keep you from loving the real one right in front of you."~ unknown

Where does the imaginary person stop, and the real woman begin? Where and who is the real me, and how do I find her? When did I lose her? I want so much to know who I am. I don't want to be that perfect girl who hides behind the mask. It is a facade that over the years has finally worn me down. Right now I feel broken, and what I need is to build myself back up. I listen too often to the imaginary voice who tells me that I'm not good enough. I listen to the eating disorder who says that I'm fat, ugly, and disgusting. I twist the words of others, hearing only the negative, and disregarding the positive. I'm tired of being one diagnosis after another. I have so many questions because I'm unsure as to how I go about changing my own scewed perceptions of myself. Even though I want to change, and I believe that I can change, it is difficult to know how to go about it. Tackling the eating disorder is one way, I suppose. I don't want to hurt myself anymore, and that is a step in the right direction. One day, I hope to believe that I'm worth saving.