I entertain the idea of climbing into bed, climbing away from everyone and everything, and burying myself under heavy blankets. I'm so cold. I don't really want to go away though. I want to stay, only I want to be different...a different me somehow. I'm not making sense. I'm so tired.
Today was fine. I woke up and went to work, but I feel detached and foggy. I came home, and I wanted to try to eat, but I just couldn't make myself. I sat on the couch with Dave, and his concern made me cry. The fact that I'm struggling so much made me cry. He wanted to cheer me up, so he went and bought me a new phone for my birthday. My other phone was prehistoric:) Afterwards, I went to the grocery store. I bought protein bars, greek yogurt, and cereal. All things that I think I would like to eat. I thought I could eat the protein bars while I was driving between schools at lunch time. There is no way that I will be able to eat at work in front of strangers. Everything seems so hard right now, as if I'm trudging through mud. I didn't call my therapist like I was going to do. Even explaining that I'm floundering feels too hard. Writing this is hard. I'm going to stop.
Today was fine. I woke up and went to work, but I feel detached and foggy. I came home, and I wanted to try to eat, but I just couldn't make myself. I sat on the couch with Dave, and his concern made me cry. The fact that I'm struggling so much made me cry. He wanted to cheer me up, so he went and bought me a new phone for my birthday. My other phone was prehistoric:) Afterwards, I went to the grocery store. I bought protein bars, greek yogurt, and cereal. All things that I think I would like to eat. I thought I could eat the protein bars while I was driving between schools at lunch time. There is no way that I will be able to eat at work in front of strangers. Everything seems so hard right now, as if I'm trudging through mud. I didn't call my therapist like I was going to do. Even explaining that I'm floundering feels too hard. Writing this is hard. I'm going to stop.
Comments
i hope you can eat what you bought and feel as okay about it as you possibly can.
i am so sorry you are floundering. it seems like all these issues and addiction are cyclical and circular and, i don't know -- take good care. you are so very worth it!
It sounds like you're working so hard to stay with it. Big hugs for going to the grocery store, for buying food--even if eating the things you bought is hard--for being brave enough to cry, and to write.
Have you heard the Dixie Chicks song "So Hard"? I feel like you might identify with a lot of it. I sure do.
You are strong! You are amazing! Look how bravely you are pushing through that awful mud! You can do this.
I hate to hear you suffering so badly, but know that you aren't alone. I entertain the idea of staying in bed all the time ach day. I feel detached all the time. I think you should give yourself more credit for getting out of the house, going to the store and doing what you needed to for yourself. That is a huge deed in and of itself. Sometimes I can't even do that.
I'm proud of you! Stay w/it. It'll get better!!! Thanks for all your support! I appreciate it so much!!
-Lisa
You dont need anorexia, you will be ok without it. Everything will be better with some nouishment-thats a promise. treat yourself well. fi
xxx
I empathise with how you're feeling. Your first paragraph describes how I've been feeling since yesterday. I spent the entire morning today huddled in bed with my blanket drawn up over my face and curled into a foetal position.
Sometimes going to bed when you feel overwhelmed actually does help. I woke up still sad, but a lot calmer.
I hope you feel better soon.
*hugs*
it will make everyone happy. even if you think right now it will make you sad, in the end, when you've recovered, it will make you happy for sure.
i send you a lot of cyber hugs and strength!
xoxo
You're in my thoughts,
Tori