Communication

Couples therapy went fairly well I think. I was so anxious during the session though, that I'm not sure that I comprehended all that was said. I kept on feeling myself drifting away, and at one point my therapist had to say, "Angie, eyes on me." I had to force myself to tune in. It wasn't that I felt ganged up on or anything. It's just that we talked about ways in which my past affects my life now, and how it impacts on my lack of communication skills. My husband also isn't the best communicator, so we often tend to be disconnected from each other. I have to be honest in that I'm afraid to change what I'm doing. Our therapists talked about exposure therapy, and that I would have to force myself to ask for what I need. I'm afraid that if I ask, I won't get it, or that I'm asking for too much. I feel like I should be able to handle things on my own without help. The thought of continually asking for help or communicating that I'm struggling actually terrifies me, but I will try. A friend pointed out that I write about my stuggles where everyone can read them, which is true, but somehow voicing them out loud feels totally different. He suggested that I write to Dave or send him an e-mail, which is a really good idea. At least that may be a way for me to get started.

My week has been okay. I'm not getting hit quite as much, so that has been nice. It is much better than last week, so I'm not so nervous about going to work. I'm looking forward to the weekend. We are going to spend some time with friends that we haven't gotten together with in awhile, and Saturday is my youngest sons birthday. He will turn fourteen, which just amazes me. Their childhood years have just flown by. It makes me a bit sad, but proud of who they are becoming. I love the conversations that I have with them, and they are so fun to be around.

Well, that is all for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!