A Rambling Post

Yesterday I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt so awful and out of sorts. I could kick myself for being so careless with my medication, because I know that is a majority of the problem. Dave and the boys helped my brother and sister-in-law move all day yesterday, so I had the house to myself. It was quiet, and I was lonely for all of my family. My parents and brother live in Florida, and I miss getting ready for the holiday's with them. I went to the staff party last night, but it was very hard to make myself go. I work with a great classroom of people, but for some reason I was anxious inside. I did manage to eat there, although I hadn't eaten anything else all day. Who cares about my daily intake? I don't even care anymore. I'm not eating much, I don't want to eat. When I get like this, my mind tells me that all I need to do is lose some weight, and I will be happy. Sometimes I feel like the eating disorder makes me fly. Isn't that strange? It gives me a certain high that is addictive in a way. Today is better. I'm empty, and that feels good. I called my therapist yesterday, which I hate to do on the weekend. She wants me to reach out for my family when I get like this, and I almost did, but I couldn't quite make myself. I don't want to be a burden, or make them sad.
I know this post is all over the place. I'm feeling a bit manic, but I also feel like getting some things done. This is my last week of work before the winter break. I haven't done any shopping yet, but plan on doing it while I'm off. I had the boys make lists yesterday. They don't ask for much. All that was on my youngests list was a pair of shoes. It gets harder to buy for them as they get older. The days of toys are over. Well, enough of my rambling. I'm off to hang the stockings:)

P.S. It was so windy last night, and it began to snow while I was driving home from the party. It looked like glitter flying all around, and was so very beautiful. Glitter is my favorite!