The weather here is still dreary, drizzly, and cold. I sit here as I type, wishing for fingerless gloves. Yes, I would wear them:) I'm still struggling with the depression, but reaching out for help. My psychiatrist raised my medication dose, so hopefully that will help. Eating and more nutrition would also help my mood, and yesterday I did better than usual, but today it was back to restricting. The full feeling is hard for me to sit with, even though I know that it will pass if I give it time. I just didn't want to go through that today. My nutritionist weighed me on Wednesday, and I've lost weight, although she wouldn't tell me how much. That is fine. I already knew I had lost, and though the eating disorder is thrilled by this, there is another part of me that is afraid. I'm afraid that I won't find my way out of this, ever. I'm afraid that I will always be ruled by weights and numbers, food and calories, the mirror and my distorted mind. I'm really ...
It has been a long week at work. My kiddos with autism challenge me daily, and yet I also learn so much from them. There are days that it is rewarding, and days when I'm discouraged, but I still love it. Sometimes the adults that I work with are more difficult than the students! I'm glad that it is Friday. I'm looking forward to my yoga classes this weekend, and just enjoying the warmer weather. I have had some successes with food this week, which is very encouraging. I ate a flatbread sandwich at Subway this afternoon. I rarely eat fast food because it scares me, but I got a veggie sandwich and all was good:-) The boys wanted pizza for dinner, so I also has a piece of pizza. Two meals in one day, and all fast food none the less. Go me! I have been feeling fairly positive about myself all in all, and when the negative thoughts creep in, I try to reframe them. I can't believe that something as simple as yoga could change things for me, but I think the whole philosophy and attitude of nurturing yourself and your body is so helpful for me. Victor, who is one of the instructors came over to me after class one day while I was rolling up my mat. He asked me to sit and talk with him for a minute. He asked why I was there, and I kind of told him a bit of my story. He told me that his wife, who is also one of the instructors, was a recovered anorexic, and something told him that I had issues with how I felt about my body. He comes over and adjusts my poses sometimes, and tells me to relax, and not too think too much about if I'm doing it right. He told his wife about me, and encouraged me to take one of her classes, so that is what I'm going to do tomorrow. Well, that is a bit about my week. I'm wishing everyone a fabulous weekend :) 
Comments